I read the latest chestnuts from Reuters today, wherein ex-celebrity hedge fund manager David Rocker was addressing the CFA convention (doesn't that sound like a hoot!) about how lawsuits are chilling the "analyst industry," and out of my nose launched a near-latte stream of tepid java.
Ouch.
This is really funny stuff, folks, all the more because of the high-minded seriousness of the delivery. One can almost hear the Shar Pei-like resonance of Mr. Rocker's tremulous voice as he expressed his outrage. Read all about it here.
Some of my favorites:
"To these already asymmetric pressures you now add the threat of litigation," he added, in remarks to the CFA Institute Annual Conference of financial analysts and portfolio managers in New York."
Er, ahem. Yes. Would that be the same threat of litigation leveled against your's truly by this sanctimonious short, when he was hit with the "frivolous" suit that was closely followed by his retirement? I guess being sued over conniving to time false and defamatory research reports for profit is bad, but being sued for commenting on it is, uh, well, good. Or maybe it isn't, given that the threatened suit against the Easter Bunny never materialized. So maybe it's just the threat of doing so that is so good. You'd have to ask the loquacious Mr. Rocker for clarification. I can't seem to grasp the nuances.
"Rocker called those suits "mirror images" of the Overstock suit, and questioned whether such lawsuits create disincentives for analysts to write about stocks that may be candidates for short selling."
Could be. Could be they also create a disincentive for analysts who conspire to lie about victim companies with hedge funds and journalist-quislings so that their uber-wealthy manipulating managers can generate yet more wealth whilst creating and building nothing. Depends on whether the courts find you guilty, I guess. Oh. That. Best to argue one is innocent before CFAs then to admit that so far, all the stalling tactics have resulted in being laughed out of court with the bogus free speech nonsense, not once, but shortly, twice...
"How do we restrict these frivolous lawsuits and provide meaningful disincentives to those who bring them?" Rocker asked the analysts at the conference."
Gee. I don't know. Maybe we can just have hedge fund managers declare to captive audiences what the ultimate, unknowable truth actually is, and then, Godlike, they can smite their foes at will? Sounds like the preferred solution for Rocker.
Given that the courts have so far sided with Overstock, as has the California DA, isn't it a wee bit early to call this frivolous? Maybe Rocker is befuddled in his leisure twilight years, confusing his suit against a message board poster (that was laughed out of court) with the one brought by Overstock, that is prevailing thus far? I guess suing in a frivolous manner is good if you are doing it to chill others' free speech, however being sued yourself for stock manipulation and racketeering-like behavior (not free speech last time I checked) is bad. Again, very confusing, but funny. Sue your critics and bully them if you are a hedge fund manager? Good. Sue over illegal activity? Bad.
"Litigation in this country is a disaster," he added. "It's an inefficient process that drags on for years regardless of the frivolousness of the claim.""
That's where the coffee came hurling forth. Given that the good Mr. Rocker has tried everything but bombing the courthouse to stall his day in court, preferring to launch a free speech defense that was tossed, and then continuing to stall as he appealed that tossing, his whining over the lengthy time involved in bringing slimeballs to justice in court is pretty GD funny. I mean, he must think we are all as dim as a VW taillight if he thinks we are buying this. Hence the cuppa Joe sinus spray.
"Certainly there's a great deal of shorting going on, but in terms of the people who make a career out of short selling ... that number has diminished dramatically," Rocker said."
Which has what precisely to do with colluding with a bought-and-paid-for research firm to time bogus reports so that you can make a fortune from your positions? Nothing I can tell. Short interest is at an all time high, hedge funds who short by definition are having record years, the stock loan business is bigger than ever in history, and we should all be doing a boo hoo over these poor beleaguered victims of oppression? Puhleese. I mean, really. What's next? Steve Cohen intoning that money is the root of all evil?
One thing I am constantly amazed at is how these weasels act as though the rest of the country is a bunch of cretins with no collective memory, nor the ability to read simple sentences. Yikes.
I absolutely cannot wait for this poor man to have his day in court, and an opportunity to try this out on a jury of 12 ordinary folks. I'm sure there won't be a dry eye in all Marin on that day.
Really.
So stop the stalling, get on with discovery, and let the poor man be vindicated.
After two years, a hasty retirement, and oddly contradictory statements before a breathlessly credulous and fawning NY press, isn't it about time that all facts were known, and this proud hero's honor restored to its full glory?
I'd say so. Let's get on with it.
And now back to our regular programming of a corrupt government system aiding and abetting the looting of a nation by contemptuous financial charlatans, whilst the majority of the citizenry illiterately stares at the boob tube and howls with glee at American Idol.